The Thoughts I Shouldn't Have

Picture of myself taken by my friend Charles

​As humans we are bound to go through life facing multiple types of emotions and sometimes it is out of our control to choose how we want to feel. This is because amid so much negativity we may not be strong enough to redirect our energy to positivity. Obviously, we cannot forget the lovely moments but for some, according to the events of their life, the bad outweighs the good. So, they find they are tired and just want it all to STOP. A lot of the times no one wants to talk about this because for some reason life is meant to be full of joy, and even if you’re going through pain, then do it in silence. You hear things like - ah you’re so pessimistic etc… But can we be real for one second and really talk?

Now I’ve had this feeling many times, and if you know me personally, you know that I’m literally an African hippie. All I want in this life is to be happy and to spread happiness but let me tell you, most of the events of my life have been contrary to all of that. And I find that the most voiced words to me by my loved ones are - “you’re so strong”. However, It got to a point where I had to let them know - “bro I’m weak let me rest!” But I must admit, the biggest lesson I have derived from life is that everything is for a season. The hurt you feel, the money you have lost, the rejection you have gotten etc… these very real examples are temporary feelings. The feeling of wanting everything to STOP is also a temporary feeling. Why am I telling you this?
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We are humans and we are subject to change each day. We cannot continue to allow our feelings to dictate what we do, how we think, and what we say. Easier said than done, yes, I know but I believe we can train our minds. The same way we need to be aware of how our body works, we also need acknowledge how our mind works. Don’t just leave it. Feed it, take care of it, love it. Just because no one can see your mind, don’t think you can just let it go and wander. I’ve heard about people who really did let everything ‘just STOP’ and while I can empathise with why they have done the deed, I can only wish they knew how fleeting our emotions are. Reality is that you could feel so strongly about one thing one week and literally be in a completely different state of mind the next. We cannot do it alone, and it seems many find their own various methods to cope. But to those who don’t have ways to cope, or those whose coping mechanisms are failing; I would say look beyond the realms of this world. For some this is God and others I cannot speak on. But in all, let’s all make each other’s lives easier because for some it is already way too hard.